Monday, December 7, 2009

line 1

After 1332 days, the Germans made a decisive move.
So that is my opening line. I don't mind it really. I quite like the lengthy quality of the number, and I like the shape of the numbers in the sentence. And it is kinda ambiguous. I guess if you like the histories of wars, and particularly 20th century wars, you might start to make a bit of a connection here, but which one? It is sort of anonymous too; the voice could be anyone.
Damn it, I might write the second one.
It might have been a relief after the years of measuring any victory in feet. At last, at least, something was happening.
Lines 2 and 3. I'm not even being true to the intent of this blog in this first post. It is reading a bit like a prologue I think. Not quite a first chapter. The feel is too ... what? It is too much of an overview. We are not on the ground here, we are observing, and not just from a great high, but perhaps from history. Dunno. But say it is a prologue, this is setting a context. We are in a war. We are now on the move. Something is beginning to happen. Possibly a story. You would hope so.
I quite like the repetition in line 3, but it might be a bit over the top. But I will leave it like this now. And I like the use of the word 'might' in the second line. It gives you a bit of room to move. You might imagine that from here, I would choose to get specific.

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